Friday, June 10, 2005

C'mon guys, you can do better than this

From Flying Star downtown, Mikaela and I just realized that our conversation about recent events was turning into a list of all the ways men can kill their chances. We decided it was too good not to document. We sought out Marjorie for this one, too - she had some gems to add:
  • Bad grammar in the first e-mail
  • You "happen" to see his car drive by when you're hanging out with friends... on multiple occasions
  • He calls your roommate Pol Pot to make a point about planning (Trust us, it happened and it wasn't pretty)
  • Falsely and arrogantly assuming that the poem you just shared is about him
  • Grammatical errors in poems he writes for you (noticing a grammar pattern here?)
  • Breaking things in your apartment
  • Confessing love too early
  • No sympathy for food poisoning... that he caused
  • Being overly competitive at games you don't give a shit about - and then being overly exuberant at beating you in said games (think foosball)
  • On the first date suggesting that you pick up this bill and he'll get it next time, hoping that'll entice you for a second date just to recoup your costs
  • Wearing a tee shirt to Flying Star that says "Fuck Artists" and then casually thumbing through magazines as if the good reading is what brings him here and not the single ladies (this guy is sitting across from us right now!)
  • Responding to every comment of yours with "But that's not what my mom says"
  • He takes you to dinner at his parents' house and upon finishing his meal promptly leaves the table with his plate on it to go watch television (ladies - the way a man treats his mother is exactly how he’ll treat you)
  • His otherwise calm and pleasant manner flies out the window as soon as he gets behind the steering wheel -- every journey is a screaming, swearing onslaught against other drivers
  • You realize the book he’s carrying around in his back pocket is a bible
We have more, but let's leave it at that before we have to hit up the dessert selection downstairs in desperation. (And we don't mean the guy in the tee shirt.)


Anonymous Rob said...

One of the funniest things I have read in a long while! I'm trying to keep count of my 'score' and it is not looking good... I know a couple of guys who can claim just about every offense, except for perhaps the poetry. I'm sure there is an equally funny story for each bullet! Ha!

3:58 PM  

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